The Sun Always Rises

Hi hi hi! I’ve missed writing to you all so much. It’s been way too long!! Outta pocket on my end, I apologize. I know you all are just dying to know what I’m gonna say next right!! Sorry I’ll chill with the sarcasm, it's just second nature, ask my Mom. But on a real note, I’ve honestly just been really busy and basically have been spending all of my “free time” analyzing Beowulf and evaluating limits. If you can relate, my deepest condolences are in order.

Earlier this week I got a mysterious Amazon package that was addressed to me but I couldn’t recall ordering anything. Now let’s be honest, this isn’t as uncommon as it should be. I didn’t think much of it, probably a quarantine purchase from China that had just arrived or useless items from @bestamazonfinds on Tik Tok. For my bank account’s sake I should really unfollow them. Anyways, when I opened it I was pleasantly surprised to see that a thoughtful family friend had sent me a book that she thought I’d enjoy and would teach me some things. I’m 7 pages in and I’ve already had an epiphany! I’m talking making voice memos of ideas I had for this post with strangers on the beach staring at me talking gibberish into my phone epiphany. What this book pointed out that sparked it was that writing makes you pay attention. It causes you to pay attention to your life. The things that happen to you, the way you feel, your goals for the future; it interrupts the monotony. That’s my favorite part of writing these posts and filling journals, it doesn’t allow for me to just go through the motions. Everyone has their own way of processing things; art, music, sports, etc. For me, it’s obviously writing. Looking back on my old entries from a bad day or rough patch and being able to remember how I felt when I couldn’t see the reason or the other side gives me perspective that has really helped me grow. No rain, no flowers basically.

For those of you who don’t know my family is moving to Jupiter but we are splitting our time between here and West Virginia until I graduate. Like most things that are unfamiliar and unexpected, my time here started off rough. My High School Musical cheesy senior year obviously didn’t play out as I had assumed it would due to the pandemic, but even with that I never imagined being almost 1000 miles away from everything I had ever known during the year I was supposed to soak everything in for the last time. I mean, it’s ridiculous we are the first senior class ever that never got that 5 minutes of extra lunch on homecoming week!! HHS kids, you know. But, like Thomas Rhett says, you make your plans and you hear God laugh. I felt like I had suddenly aged 30 years, I was in bed by 9 every night and was going to HomeGoods with my mom for fun. I knew nobody and felt like a fish out of water. I’ve never minded being alone, but ~feeling~ alone was killing me! People need people! If we’ve learned anything from the past year it’s that!! I say all of this to point out that on social media, perception is always reality. That’s its biggest flaw and my main issue with it. We long for people’s fake lives and inevitably end up disappointed when we can’t achieve what they appear to have. Any of you following my Instagram probably think that my time here has been all sunshine and rainbows, and even though a good amount of it actually is. It’s important to keep in mind that you are seeing a highlight reel. When you sit down and think about it logically, when you wake up in the morning with your retainers in and frizzy hair, do you post a selfie? Nope. When you’ve just a bit too much family time on vacation and you are all fighting in the hotel elevator, y’all post that? Didn’t think so. Comparison is the thief of joy and that’s an ancient saying we all know but become so blind to when scrolling. The perfect life, body, trip, etc. doesn’t exist. There’s no such thing as a life that’s better than yours (shoutout J.Cole) and I hope it doesn’t take you a lifetime to figure that out.

The same friend who sent me the book I talked about earlier also said something that I loved when we were discussing it. She said that she always finds a more divine meaning in everyday things. I couldn’t relate more, it’s like every butterfly or rainbow I see is a sign from above. For example, I’ve always kept in mind that just as the sun rises in the darkest of night, the bad times won’t last - the light always comes! The Earth gives us literal proof of that every single day! How cool.

Here’s to vulnerability online and trusting the process!

Thx for reading, I appreciate you all!!!